Posted by JuJuan Buford, Entrepreneur & Author @JSBUFORD
I used to subscribe to the idea that good people deserve to win, and ultimately do win. I bought into the narrative that if you work hard, and you are good person, your victory in life is assured. And for a time it was, and can still be a useful, soothing fiction.
When you grow up in an environment whereas you’re told repeatedly what you cannot do or accomplish. When circumstances seem to vehemently reiterate your limitations. When your life chances are already seemingly circumscribed because of the last name you carry, the neighborhood you’re from, your complexion, cultural appendages, etc., it gets in to you. When you’ve been told repeatedly that you aren’t worthy or even valuable by those whose voices you hear the most, coupled with hardships befalling those around you, images on the nightly news, the swirl of it all confirming your worst fears and thoughts. You internalize it, or most of it.
Or if you are like I was, you eventually turn off the emotional thermometer. It just doesn’t register anymore, because at the time it’s easier to persevere absent emotions or feelings. At least in the beginning. It doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there. You simply learn to subdue them, wear the mask. And only when they inundate you, the cup begins to runneth over, they transmute into other often times destructive things.
Some develop a huge chip on your shoulder and even become callous. Some use tools: alchohol, sex, and a host of alternating destructive behaviors. You’re trying to subdue yourself, curb the volatile waters churning inside. Push the urges of your soul down deep, in a faraway place, protect a piece of you from the anger and despair.
But here’s the thing. In the absence of emotion. The absence of burning desire. Where do you find the fuel to go further, go harder, go farther?
It reminds me of a monologue in the Dark Knight Rises with Bruce Wayne’s character and the blind doctor discussing his lack of fear.
Doctor: 'How can you move faster then possible, fight longer then possible, without the most powerful impulse of the spirit? The fear of death.'
Bruce:'I do fear death. I fear dying in here while my city burns. And there's no one there to save it.'
Doctor: 'Then make the climb.'
Bruce: 'How?'
Doctor: 'As the child did - without the rope. Then fear will find you again.”
Your emotions are a reflection of your desires. Desire is an impulse. It’s energy. And understanding and harnessing that energy is the only way you’re going to be able to battle the disappointments; sorrow from people failing you. Endure the setbacks and failures. Discouragements and temporary defeats. It’s the only way you’ll be able to outlast the haters and the wretched people you will inevitably cross paths with. And yes, do the personal development, that is necessary to become a better you.
The onslaught is real. We all endure it to varying degrees. It’s part of the human experience. There is a Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall. There are sunny days and there are terrible tempestuous storms.
And in order to give your all: creatively, physically, mentally.....and truly unlock your full potential and all the divine has placed inside you is to learn how to pull from the wellspring of burning desire. Be unabashedly obsessive, relentless, be willing to pay the price.
If you’re still reading this, I know what some may be thinking. This is some psycho babble nonsense. However, nothing could be further from the truth. This isn't coming from some curated, academic experience manufactured to fit into the framework of a motivational speech.
I know what it’s like to battle the stereotype. To have to fight just for the right to father your children. Spending absurd amounts of currency, time, and effort. Being told by some to abandon your children. Abandon the effort. It’s not worth it. I’ve been accused of every kind of offense you can imagine from sexual abuse to the least of offenses, like neglecting to clean a runny nose.
I know.
I know what it’s like to be engulfed and feel surrounded by negritude. Crabs in a barrel mindsets. To sacrifice for the benefit of others. Being an activist or being willing to do the right thing, stand up, is more often than not the most thankless of tasks. Zora Neal Hurston said it best, “All my skinfolk ain’t kinfolk.” I’ve watched in complete dismay as many of us, crack the whip harder than the oppressor.
I know what it is like to be told, “you’re not worth the food you eat”, regularly as a child.
I know.
I know what it is to experience, subdue, overcome hurt and disappointment. I’m still dealing with some wretches today, dressed up on overcoats and shoe budgets, pretending to be successful when their just trifling shrews. Money can only cover up the BS.com for so long.
And I’ve overcome and continue to overcome. Life is a 12 round fight. It’s a marathon. Things can appear bigger and more insurmountable when one loses sight of this. Even if you’re catching Ls for the first 3 rounds, there are 9 rounds left. Burning desire gives you the stamina to outlast it all.
Deserve is a subjective term. I’m not sure what I deserve. Or what anyone deserves for that matter.
However, being deserved is something different altogether. The difference is the willingness to pay the price. Taking the stones that are thrown at you by shrews, and building something spectacular with them. And smile in faith, knowing that you have the stamina to go the full 12 rounds.
JuJuan Buford is a Detroit native, a successful entrepreneur, activist, writer, and public speaker. Buford is dedicated to helping families, entrepreneurs, and business owners establish thriving enterprises, achieve financial independence, and build lives of satisfaction.
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